Why Do I Hate Life So Much?

 

The reason why I hate life so much and the reason why I am so angry with life is, that I EXPECT to be self fulfilled, self satisfied and self relieved by the world in the FORM of food, sex, money & relationships. 

There is an Inner habitual, obsessive, addictive EXPECTATION that the world can bring me everlasting happiness. When I see and feel myself this clearly, My HURT/PRIDE goes through its Process.

1. I start with Fear.

2. Move onto Shame,

3. Next is Sorrow,

4. I then feel my Guilt, I want to run away from myself

5. And Finally I presence my Hatred, Anger and Murderous Rage.

If I don’t allow myself to feel all of these emotions then I will not undergo  transformation within my Being. Fear is the tip of the iceberg, Hatred, Anger and Murderous Rage is the Bottomless Pit in which the extent of the iceberg is felt.  

As I feel myself being hateful, angry and aggressive, I REPENT, I turn to my Higher Self.  There is no where else to go. I have seen myself clearly and I have died a death. My Higher Self has taken me through my Process of transformation and when I know I am through the eye of this needle I am filled with GRATITUDE for God, Life, Divine Love, Self, etc.  

Osho Quotes on Repentance

1. Jesus’ word for repent simply means ‘return’; it does not mean repentance at all. ‘Turn in’ it means, ‘return to the source’, it means, ‘return to your own being’. That’s what meditation is all about: returning to the source, returning to the center of the cyclone, returning to your very being.
2. Return to the original source, come back to your deepest core of being. Repentance is returning back; it is one of the greatest spiritual turnings.
3. When you repent, you repent about a certain act. Your repentance is always in reference to certain acts. Jesus’ repentance is not about certain acts, it is about your being.

In the book of Revelation, the WRATH of God is mentioned in 13 separate verses.  

My experience is that the WRATH of God is my own wrath being brought up into the surface of my consciousness to be returned to Love. This WRATH has been held down for eons and contains an enormous amount of pent up energy. Harmlessly Releasing this Anger Hatred, Murderous Rage and Wrath frees me up to be the Light and the Presence that has the capacity to Presence the same WRATH in every other Human Being. 

Revelation 19:15

King James Version (KJV)

 ¹⁵And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the anger and wrath of Almighty God.

Fear	Birth is separation, or identification with the vulnerable born condition. It is, in the human case, vital shock, or fear. When fear becomes self-conscious- when you are seen and known, even by yourself, to be afraid-shame arises. A feeling of anxiety, agitation, paralyzing, confusion, helplessness, caused by the presence of imminence of danger. Dread, Terror, Horror, alarm, dismay, trepidation, Consternation,
Shame	Shame leads to self-indulgence, or patterns of desire and self manipulation that enervate (drain the energy) of our Energy Field, which is spending the available life force. It takes a lot of energy for the Body, therefore the Human Energy Field to eliminate the toxins of  processed foods, alcohol, drugs, sex-orgasms and the energy it takes in making money.                     (money, food, sex). Distress caused by the consciousness of wrong, or foolish behavior, short coming, dishonor, embarrassment, impropriety, disgrace, unworthiness, not good enough,
Sorrow	When energy, or Life, is spent to the point of enervation and loss, feelings of emptiness and sorrow overcome the Individual being. Grief, Loss, misfortune, affliction, sadness, injury, despair, mourning, moan, agonize, hardship, lament, unhappiness,
Guilt	Feeling Sorry for oneself leads to guilt, How many times have we been told to stop complaining, you’re a whinger, etc, Guilt leads to flight and the sense of being chased or under attack. It may lead to suicidal egoic “ self possession,” but when escape is realized to be impossible, then Anger Arises. Awareness of having done something wrong, or committed an offence, feeling responsible for a crime or wrong doing. Self – reproach for supposed inadequacy or wrong doing.
Anger	When Anger does its aggressive work, hateful & murderous in its intent and power- so that you are seen and known, even by yourself, to have become the enemy of life and love- Remorse arises. A strong feeling of displeasure, or hostility, Rage, fury, ire, wrath, resentment, indignation, annoyance, frustration. When emotion becomes anger, I feel everything has come to an end. I’ve tried everything to get my needs met and nothing has worked and I know that nothing will work. Anger Management does not work, Compassion is what is required but compassion does not come until remorse is experienced.

 

REPENTANCE - REMORSE repents of separation, fear, shame, self indulgence, emptiness, sorrow, guilt, flight, anger and aggressively egoic “self –Possession”. Therefore, remorse, or repentance, fully and clearly realized, establishes the body-mind in the mood of non separation and love.

Above Table from the “Incarnation of Love” chapter 9, Adi Da,

modified by Stephen Monty